Johnnie McEldoo

There was Johnnie McEldoo and McGee and me
And a couple o' two or three went on a spree one day
We had a bob or two which we knew how to blew
And the beer and whiskey flew and we all felt gay
We visited McCann's, Mick Lemann's, Humpty Dan's
We then went into Swan's, our stomachs for to pack
We ordered out to feed which indeed we did need
And we finished it with speed but we still felt slack.

Johnnie McEldoo turned as blue as the dew
And a plate of Irish stew he soon put out of sight
He shouted out encore with a roar for some more
That he never felt before, such a keen appetite.
He ordered eggs and ham, bread and jam for to cram
But him we couldn't ram though we tried our level best
For everything they brought, cold or hot it mattered not
It went down him like a shot but he still stood the test.

He swallowed tripe and lard by the yard, we got scar'd
We thought it would go hard when the waiter brought the bill
Told him to give o'er, but he swore he could lower
Twice as much again and more before he had his fill
He nearly supped a trough full of broth, says McGrath
He'd have ate the tablecloth if you don't haul him in.
When the waiter brought the charge McEldoo felt so large
He began to stomp and barge and his blood went on fire.

He began to curse and swear, tear his hair in despair
And to finish the affair called the shopman a liar
Shopman he came out and no doubt, he did clout
McEldoo he kicked about like an old football
Tattered all his clothes, broke his nose I suppose
He'd have killed him with a few blows in no time at all.
McEldoo began to howl, and to growl, by my soul
And he threw an empty bowl at the shopkeeper's head
Struck poor Mickey Flynn, peeled the skin off his chin
And the ruckus did begin and we all fought and bled.

Policemen did arrive, man alive, four or five
And at us they made a drive for us all to march away
We paid for all the meat that we ate, stood a treat
And went home to ruminate on the spree that day.

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