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Delaney's Donkey By Paddy Hargreaves

Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired, Temporarily lazy and permanently tired A leg at ev'ry corner balancing its head, And a tail to let you know which end it wanted to be fed. Riley slyly said, 'We've underrated it, Why not train it?' Then he took a rag Rubbed it, scrubbed it, oiled and embrocated it, Got it to the post and when the starter dropped the flag— There was Riley pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it Hogan, Logan and ev'ryone in town Lined up attacking it, shoving it and smacking it They might as well have tried to push the Town Hall down, The donkey it was eyein' them, openly defyin' them Winkin', blinkin', twistin' out of place Riley reversin' it, ev'rybody cursin' it The day Delaney's donkey ran the half-mile race. The muscles of the mighty, never known to flinch, The couldn't budge the donkey a quarter of an inch. Delaney lay exhausted, hangin' 'round its throat With a grip just like a Scotsman on a 5-pound note. Darter Carter lined up with the rest of them, When it saw them, it was willing then. It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of them, It started off, they cheered it, but that changed its mind instead— There was Reilly pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it, Hogan, Logan and Mary Anne McGraw, She started pokin' it, grabbin' it and chokin' it, It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed, hee-hah! The Whigs and Conservatives, Radical Superlatives, Liberals and Tories, they hurried to the place, Stood there in unity, helping the community The day Delaney's Donkey won the half-mile race. The crowd began to cheer it, then Rafferty the judge, He came in to assist it, but still it wouldn't budge. The jockey who was riding it, little Jock Magee, Got so thoroughly disgusted that went and had his tea. Hagan, Fagan, students of psychology, Swore they'd shift it with some dynamite. They bought it, brought it, and without apology The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the whole lot out of sight— There was Reilly pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it, Hogan, Logan and all of Ballygrew, Police and Auxiliary, the Garrison Artillery, The Second Enniskillens and the Life Guards too. They seized it, harried it, picked it up and carried it, Cheered it, steered it to the winning place... Then the bookies drew aside, and they all committed suicide... The day Delaney's Donkey won the half, mile, race!

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